The Cows

So I had my young Godson staying for a few days.

He really likes visiting the local farm to look at the animals and on this occasion, God knows why, I decided to take him through the woodland at the bottom of the garden as a bit of an adventure. 

I'm not going to mention about getting stuck trying to cross the stream or me falling in up to my waist when we did attempt it, although it did make it easier for him to cross over, as he let me know in no uncertain terms.  To be honest, I'm not sure who leads who astray the most. I digress. 

We eventually got to the fence line on the other side of the woodland where we then had to climb through the fence to avoid the barbed wire running along the top, this would allow us entry into the farmers field with the cows. 

(At this point may I remind you that I was still soaking wet having just fallen waist deep, into the stream)  

I grabbed onto the middle of the fence with both hands in order to pull it up to allow James to crawl under the barbed wire.   "So that'll be the "Old Electric Fence Cable, running through the middle of the Wire Fence Ploy" 

Luckily my Godson didn't realise the the destructive capability of the Farmer's 2 mile long Taser Death Trap and happily went off to feed the cows

That'll be the offending "zap-wire" on the fence in the background.

On the Electric Fence Scale for inflicting pain = 10/10

You really couldn't make it up !

When you need to get home

So the storms that hit Scotland a few weeks ago caused havoc for many people. 

Listening to the reports on the radio should have been warning enough for any sane person, but NO, I decided that I'd drive the 127 miles home after a 12 hour shift rather than than stay local.  I'd heard that the main M74 motorway was closed in both directions so decided I'd cut across country to miss all the traffic.

 

This is not funny.

Neither was this

This really isn't happening

Enough is enough

I'm now desperate 

Just so you know, at this point I got trapped as a tree came down behind me. Of course had no phone siignal. A big "Thank You" to Dumfries & Galloway Constabulary and the farmer with the Bushman Saw who rescued me.  

Really.  Proof that someone up there really doesn't want me to get home. Unbelievable. 

Bob the CAT

Whilst all is calm I thought this would be a good oportunity to introduce my cat 'Bob'

We called her Bob because we thought she was a Boy. Really. 

5 kittens later we realised our mistake but if Black Adder can get away with it, why shouldn't we.

Grumpy or what !!

Guajiro Honey Rum

So my son and daughter-in-law and my lovely Granddaughter come up to stay for a few days. My wife left me in charge of the house with the parting gift of "keep it clean for the kids coming up"

Anyway, my son Nicki produces a bottle of Guajiro Honey Rum and says " dad you've got to try this it's amazing, have a smell and see if you can recognise what's in it" Unscrews the top and hands me the bottle.

Well. How was I to know that it wasn't a glass bottle, it looked like a glass bottle and as I took it, gripped it hard and emptied a quarter of it all over the floor, myself and the chair that I was sitting in. 

Resulting in this.

It's stripped the varnish off the arm of the chair. 

You couldn't make it up if you tried.  

Sent from my iPad

Nuts and Bolts

Well so much for hoping that by writing in a blog, the mishaps that follow me around would occur less often.

We bought a cot for my granddaughter to use when she was eventually old enough, rather than the travelling cot that she's been using up until now.  We knew that by Christmas she would be big enough to be using the cot. 

It's been lying under our bed, still sealed and unpacked since we bought it in March, so yesterday was a good opportunity to unpack it and put it all together.  

Strangely enough, there were no screws or bolts to enable me to build it and of course so far, it's been impossible to contact the company. And of course it's my fault. Unbelievable. 

So here it begins

Well here I am starting my first ever blog.

Why ?  Goodness knows and to be honest it's got absolutely nothing to do with my cat, who's name is Bob by the way, but rather an account of the disasters that seem to follow me around wherever I go.

I cannot believe the mishaps that often occur in my daily life and when I explain to people, they stand back in amazement.  So my theory is, if I start to write them down, hopefully they won't happen any more.

I'll try to post regularly and some events may appear out of sequence and certainly not to any particular time line. My friend, who shall remain anonymous (sorry Steve) recently introduced me to a work colleague of his and the conversation went along the lines off  " This is Jack, he's a wonderful guy, just a disaster waiting to happen" which sums up in a few words why I've decided to write a blog.

So take today for instance, my wife who was at work, asked me to pick up some shopping from Tesco ( I assume I'm allowed to mention TESCO in a blog)

How often do we pick the wrong queue at the till.  Well this elderly lady was in front of me and was buying the shop.  She had a trolley full of  the crockery that is on special offer, when you collect the necessary tokens.  Well there was something wrong and well, you really just have to say something.  In my case to the girl who was standing behind me, who had also loaded her shopping onto the till.

I think the conversation went along the lines of. "I always pick wrong till" no reply. "I think there's a problem with what the old lady has bought" No reply. "You'd think she'd have come when it was less busy" No reply.  "I think she's won all those tokens at the bingo" No reply

Well how was I to know that they were both related (mother and daughter) and I had somehow got in between them in the queue at the checkout. Apologies tendered, I legged it out of the store.